phoeniX

was always told this. never really took it to heart or for what it was and who it was coming from. nothing makes you miss the ones you love more than distance. a good distance. not just a "well, i miss, so i'll stop at the gas station, be there in a half an hour" kind of distance. i'm 1100 miles away from the place i grew up. no plans were made to come here, it was shock induced. was it a stupid decision? i'm not quite sure right now. i don't think it was stupid, but just not smart?./ it is overcast in the valley today. a chili 77. i'm drinking iced coffee, 3 pumps white mocha, with a smither, yes a smither, i don't know what it's short for, but a smither of soy milk. the mix of music, books, coffee drink, and the taste of this plastic straw is confusing. i bought a sticker, another sticker, to put on my computer. it's green - has an eagle on it, with a pick in his afro. i just got a text.
I didn't think i would miss my family this much. It's funny how much i didn't listen. I know they only want the best for me, but there's only so much they can do. Yes i can look for guidance and direction, but it is no longer chaperoned by my parents. I'm on my own right now. Days are lonely. Missing - people. Relationships. Nothing here to build on really. I had one contact coming out here. I miss mom. I miss dad. I miss my siblings. I miss my friends. The people that desire to do life with me. The people that care about me. Why do I/we do the things I/we hate? Sometimes even subconsciously. But this is what makes me realize and understand how much i am in need of my saviour. I'm in need of his touch, his hugs, his hand-holding. This life is confusing for me. I didn't think i would be where i am now. I'm confused.
They say home is where the heart is. Well they are right. I want to meet them. My heart was created for relationship. My heart was created and wounded for LOVE. for TRUTH. I want to be with my family (anyone/everyone/iwanttodolifewith)...
I now have an eagle sticker, an IHOP sticker, an "i love big dumps sticker", a cow sticker, and a Jedidiah sticker.
I talked with my sister today. I love the sound of her voice. She's growing up too fast. Getting married in a month.
We are no longer kids. Life is fast --------